You Need to Hurry Up!

Today, I’m working the express lane, 20 items or less, AND I can actually turn away people with more that 20 items!  That’s awesome.  At first, I didn’t like the express lane.  BUT, then I figured out two things.  1)  SMALL ORDERS  2) LOTS OF COOL AIR BLOWING DOWN FROM THE VENT  Let’s face it: it’s hot in Louisiana during the summer!

So, here I am in the express line,checking out all the small orders.  I’m always the one to chat with my customers, especially the regulars.  I’m doing my thing, and all of a sudden, this is what I hear (from the NEXT customer in line): “OMG, I’m Late!!!!! YOU NEEED TO HURRY UP!

Wait a minute!  I’m busy with the customer in front of me, and it’s NOT you!  I make eye contact with her, smile, and say: “I’ll be with you in a moment.”, and continue with the current customer, who rolls her eyes at the one behind her.  LOL, but I can’t say anything!  Oh, but what I’m thinking!

So, when the “late” lady’s turn comes, she starts berating me, saying things like: “You need to hurry, I’m late”  “Why do they always put the slowest cashier in the express lane?”

Well, lady, you just pissed me off, big time.  I’m not slow.  If you had addressed me politely, said  “hey, I’m running late, what can you do to get me outta here quickly, can you help me out?” I would have done anything to make it happen.  BUT, you just called me slow.  You wanna see slow?  OMG, I acted like I was mentally deficient to the max.  Not only did I scan slow, I made errors such that I had to call a manager for an override, further delaying her happy ass!  But the best part is, she got it.  She’s now one of my sweetest customers.  YEAH!  Don’t piss me off.  I won’t spit in your food, but I CAN make you regret being rude!



Gotcha! Part II How I Got My Second Bounty

Another busy day.  Next customer in line is wearing a company uniform, so she’s an employee.  I don’t know her, but that doesn’t mean much.  She could be from another store, or work in the back.  There are many people working behind the scenes, and I just don’t know them all.

We are having a huge sale on canned foods like ravioli and such.  Her order mainly consists of canned goods on sale and other “kid” foods.  I get to the end of her order, and there’s a bag of deli lunchmeat.  I pick it up, and it looks like ham.  There’s a sticker on the front with the barcode & price, and I flip the bag over to scan it, and I see something else (and it’s white) in the bag.   I flip the bag back, and see ham, over again and see white.  I look at her, and say: “Um..what” and she jumps in immediately and says:  “It’s ok, I don’t want it.”  Okaaaay.  I call for a manager, because anything that’s perishable needs to be returned to the area or department that it belongs in.  Manager comes, I give him the bag & just say she doesn’t want it, and complete her order.  After she leaves, I call the manager back and tell him that he needs to check that bag, because there were clearly two different items in it.

A while later, I’m called off my register to be questioned by one of the store managers, Ms. Toni.  She asks me what happened, and I tell her the whole story.  As I’m being questioned, I find out several things.  First, this gal is an employee at our store.  She’s just returned from maternity leave and has been promoted to deli manager.  Second, the “ham” item was a more expensive product than what the label indicated, AND there was some more expensive stuff also in this bag (the white stuff).  So, when this lady comes in tomorrow morning, she’s going to be confronted and most likely fired.  I totally feel like shit!  The manager assures me that I did the right thing, and I know I did, but I still feel bad that this person with a new baby is going to lose her job.   I’m totally bummed for several days afterward even with the promised $50 bounty.  The store director even personally thanked me.  Made me feel even shittier!

But then one of the deli workers asked me what happened, I told him, and he told me that he thought she’s been doing that for a while, and it’s about time she got caught.  I still felt bad, but not as much.


A few months ago, I caught a shopper stealing.  He wasn’t putting stuff in his pockets or a bag like you would think most shoplifters would; oh, no, he was VERY clever!  Here’s how it happened:

It’s about 9:45PM, I’m the last (and only) cashier, and this man comes to my line with a fully loaded buggy.  He unloads the buggy & I start scanning items.  He leaves to get something else.  While he’s gone, I come to a bag of cashews (our store sells a lot of high end items in a bulk section, where you bag your stuff & write a code on the twist tie), punch in the number, and my screen shows: Flax Seed $6.99.  Whoa!  That ain’t right!  I know the difference between flax seed and cashews, LOL!   I set that bag aside, and punch in the code for some pumpkin seeds; my screen shows: Oats $4.99.  I call over  the manager, we look up the correct codes and charge the correct prices: cashews: $17.48, pumpkin seeds: $12.58.  At this point, the man returns, and my manager informed him that he had written down the wrong codes, but that we had corrected them for him.  Surprisingly, he didn’t argue, just said: “Thanks, I’m tired.”

I finish his order and he leaves, but something is bothering me.  I scanned a deli bag containing proscuitto at $13.84.  In thinking back, I realize that he had close to two pounds of proscuitto in that bag.   Our proscuitto ranges in price from $14 to $18 per pound.  SHIT!!!  He got me!  I am pissed at this point, and I ask the manager if I can check out something in the deli.  I go and ask the deli person if he remembered cutting some proscuitto for a man, and he says yes, he cut  two pounds for the man and put them into 2 bags.  This very clever man just put one pound of proscuitto into the other bag, and ditched the empty bag and paid for one pound!!!!  The deli guy also told me that they guy was hanging around the bulk items for a while, looking suspicious.  I told him what had happened with that, and said he should call a manager if he ever sees this guy again.

He paid with all store gift cards, which told us that he does this a lot, and then returns the “stolen” items for store credit.  I hate when that happens.  The upside is that until last week, I have not seen him again.  Last week, he was getting a movie from Red Box.  I had to pass by him.  I greeeted him and said: “No proscuitto today?”  He turned bright red and left.  Made my day.

The best part was when the store manager informed me that our employer pays a bounty if you catch someone stealing.  So, even though I missed the damn proscuitto, I still got $50.  How cool is that?

Full Moon, Part II

Well, since it’s only June 29th, and the full moon is not until July 6th, I will probably have a few more parts to this topic.  OMG, sometimes people can be so stupid and annoying that I don’t even have the words to describe them.

Today was abnormally busy, even for a Friday.  My take is that because the 4th is midweek, many will celebrate over the weekend.   I normally work the late shift at my store, so from about 9:45PM to close at 10PM, I am the last (and only) cashier.  The next-to-last cashier left at 9:38, warning me that there was a shopper with a very full buggy.  Sigh.  Well, it is my job, and that would have been fine, if she had been the only shopper.

She gets to my line a few minutes later, and that cashier was not kidding!  Her buggy was overloaded.  I do my standard meet & greet & start scanning and bagging.  And scanning and bagging, on and on.  At one point, I look up, and there are about 8 other people in my line.  The. Only. Line.  All of them are glaring at me as if it’s MY fault that they all decided to shop at 9:50PM. Yeah, right!

I finally get to the end of her order, and she gives me a coupon.  Since the coupon won’t scan, I will need a manager’s override.  I send the bag boy (oops, now they are called service clerks, LOL) to get the manager.  The coupon was for baby food, of which the customer had purchased A LOT of.  She seems to think that the coupon should take $.25 off of EVERY baby food item purchased.  I show her the coupon, which clearly states $.25 off 1 item.  My manager confirms that, which only aggravates her more.  She pays & leaves.

My next customer is a young lady with groceries and wine.  I ask for an ID, and she shows me her state ID.  The birthday is fine, she’s legal, but I comment that the picture does not really look like her.  She shows me her driver’s license, which DOES look like her, and I proceed with the sale.  She proceeds to get snarky with me about the state ID, saying that she’s never had problems before.  I explained that it was NOT a problem, just that her driver’s license photo looks more like her than the state ID.  She continues to be snarky, and I swear, if there weren’t 12 people in line behind her, I’d take back the wine & refuse the sale.  No time for that.  She pays & leaves.

The next customer is a regular late night shopper, usually has 5 or 6 items, and is always very sweet.  I apologize for the delay, and she immediately begins commiserating with me about weird/nasty people.  I tell her that people like her are what make this job bearable, wish her a goodnight and go on to the next customer.

Meantime, the cash office manager finally got a clue, opened a line, and was checking people out, making my line shorter.  Hallelujah!

I finally get everyone cleared out but 1 guy, and as I start ringing him up, he tells me that the front end manager is taking care of some steaks for him.  She comes up and tells me to ring the steaks at a certain price.  We are not supposed to change prices, but if a manager says so, we do it.  Get him out, and the manager tells me that he was throwing a fit because we are currently having a special price on whole rib eyes, cut free.  Of course, our butchers go home at 8PM, so no one was there to cut a fricking rib eye for this guy, so he convinced the manager that she should give him the sale price on a regular package.  She was very nice to him, explaining that he could call ahead and have it cut and ready, even if he’s coming in at 10PM, and that sorry, but there was no way she could cut a whole rib eye for him.  So, he says, well, it can’t be that hard, just slicing it into steaks.  Did I mention these are bone-in?  Yep.  So, I explained to him that first of all, the whole thing has to be trimmed, fat & other things removed, then cut AND sawed.  Oh, he says.

I think people plan this, knowing that if they complain enough, they will get something.  A whole bone-in rib eye averages 12 to 15 pounds. The butchers will cut it for free, but you are paying for the whole thing.  Unless you ask, whatever is trimmed, you lose.  I can guarandamntee this guy would not pay $70 to $100 for a whole one.

My manager and I were chatting afterword, and she commented that people really should have a clue about late shopping.  It’s never a problem for us with the last minute person needing necessities like milk, diapers, etc. It’s the fools who think they can come in 10 minutes before closing and do a whole week’s worth of shopping and get pissed at us because we are short staffed!  I thanked her for sharing her thoughts, which were identical to mine – it sort of proved that I’m not as crazy as I sometimes think I am.

But really, why can’t people be more considerate?

Full Moon, Part I

We all know that more craziness occurs during a full moon.  Well, if you are blessed with a job in retail, I am sure that you see even more craziness than the average working stiff.  In my neck of the woods, it seems to start about a week before the actual full moon.

Last night I checked out a lady and her four children.  Their total was $8.29.  She gave me a $20.  I punched in $20 cash, and she then told me she had the change and gave me $.30.  So, I proceed to punch in $20.30 in cash and it now looks like she has given me $40.00.  It was late; I was tired; BUT, I knew better.  Even though the receipt said she should get $32.00 in change, I was at least awake enough to only give her the $12.00 that she had coming.  I wished her a good night, and raced for the restroom.

Upon my return, I see her  speaking with the cashier next to me, who sent her to the service desk. As she was walking to the desk, she shot me the most venomous look I have EVER received, especially from someone I don’t even know.  What’s up with that:?   I asked the cashier what was up, and she said something about giving the wrong change.  Not worried, the service person is smart, and he would not just cough up $$ until he checked with me.

A few moments later she leaves, and again shoots me this really mean glare.  The service guy came over and told me that she basically accused me of punching in the wrong amount so that I could pocket the “extra” $20!!!!  REALLY??!!!  Well, anyone who knows me can tell you that I am a very honest person.  He told me that he said to her that if I really did that, I would be caught at the end of the night when I turned in my till.  She didn’t seem happy with his response.

Needless to say, my tilll was NOT $20 short.  People are just crazy.